“The cause of everything that happens to you is in you; you should therefore look within yourself to find the cause.”

My reading of this maxim by Ostad Elahi triggered a number of thoughts that I would like to share by way of this article. A hearty thanks to e-ostadelahi.com for the opportunity to share with their readers.

We tend to spend a lot of time blaming “the world” for our misfortunes. On the other hand, we consider anything good to be the fruit of our own doing. But as always, giving it a little thought can make us realise that reality is a lot more complex.

• Everything that happens to us has a cause and we should try and find out what it is instead of relying only on appearances like we usually do.
• We occupy a central position in our lives, and therefore we play a major part in the causes of whatever happens to us.

Let’s break this down.

Things we bring about ourselves

We are the authors of our lives. We end up forgetting this and too often let those around us direct our lives and even dictate what we should think. “I” is by essence and constitution an actor; it has power of decision and control. There is no denying this effect of our free will unless we consider ourselves animals. We can in fact control our thoughts, which in turn nourish our psychology and our actions and structure our daily lives. We entertain negative thoughts about ourselves and others and these thoughts negatively shape our psychological profile. One might argue that these negative thoughts are the product of the permanent flood of negative information conveyed by society and the media, and thus be tempted by radical choices such as retreating from society to live like hermits. But following that line of reasoning would be forgetting rather glibly that we are the ones creating the negative thoughts we have about ourselves and others. Whether we live amidst society or as hermits, we are the cause of our own thoughts, and such negative thoughts will either reinforce the negative impact of the outside world (in the first case) or pollute the solitude of the person running away from that world (in the second case). We are, potentially, the primary pollutants of our minds and hearts.

It is through our own will and our own power that we can forge ourselves a positive psychological profile. “Thinking positively” is part of a healthy lifestyle that nourishes and cleanses our perception of ourselves and, in turn, our perception of others. Fighting the negative thoughts that naturally surface in our minds and trying to replace them with positive thoughts purifies the atmosphere inside us. A positive place is created. With willpower and perseverance it develops. It becomes a bubble that provides support and refuge, and constitutes a weapon to ward off the attacks of negative thoughts.

It is like an airport where passengers (thoughts) land and take off continuously. Nowadays, security measures (actions directed by our will) to help eradicate the risks of terrorist (negative thoughts) attacks (psychological destabilization) are numerous, strict and repetitive. Our objective is thus to organize a security system to fight off negative thoughts and make our air space (psychology) healthy and pleasant—much like an airport with an excellent reputation, where employees (oneself) and travellers (others) thrive and are happy.

Things that are brought about by our families and friends

Our families and friends are our best laboratory. They are often the cause of a lot of challenges and negative thoughts. Family relations create situations and relations that can lead to tensions and judgments that are the stuff of the most sordid family stories. Social barriers being inexistent in a family environment, passions and impulses can unleash themselves. When confronted to certain situations that trigger a conflict (an inappropriate remark, an angering attitude, an action that deprives me of a particular right), I have the choice between letting my emotions and impulses get the better of me and entering the fight or avoiding confrontation by taking a step back to think and understand why I was brought into such a situation. Looking within for the cause of everything means that I should at least consider that I might also be the source of what another person is saying to me, doing to me, or thinking of me. Taking a step back allows me to get a bigger picture and to broaden my perceptional field of understanding to a much larger extent than if I merely focus on the author of what I perceive as an aggression. The idea is to dissociate the author from the action committed: I try and depersonalize the bad action or negative words and understand why I am confronted to this unpleasant experience. I then naturally focus on myself and consider that this attack may itself be a reaction to something that originated in me. The thing for me to do then is to send out vibes, thoughts and actions that will either neutralize the negative effects of people’s behaviour toward me, or protect me like a sort of invisible shield against the effects that could trigger impulsive or emotional reactions in me. By creating a zone of non-reactivity, I create a place where I can think more clearly to understand and analyse the situation and try and find why I am in this situation. From this place I can examine how I might have contributed to the causal chain of reactions, or even how I might have been the direct cause of this attack.

Things that are brought about by others (at work and in the world at large)

It’s easy to make others bear the responsibility for what happens to us when it so visibly seems to come from them. If my boss criticizes me, it’s because he doesn’t understand anything I do. If I lose my job, it’s because my boss doesn’t like me. I’m unemployed, I’m getting a divorce, my child runs away from home… whatever it is, I will immediately try to find the reasons for it in others. It’s a way to protect oneself from others. Beside the fact that this attitude is delusional, or at best a deviated interpretation, it doesn’t help in solving the problem we are confronted with or understanding why it is happening to us. Seeing things that way might make an inextricable situation even more inextricable. Looking at myself first to then look at others, however, makes me responsible, and part of being responsible is also to accept the elements of causality that question the way I see myself. Beginning with a self-analysis to understand why I am confronted with a particular challenge does not exclude a subsequent analysis of external causes. But it does enable me to become aware of my share of responsibility, so that I may at least avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future. An experience I have often had while driving for example is the following. I pass a car without paying attention to a motorcyclist who 50 meters farther on, at the red light, starts insulting me violently. If I respond with the same tone to defend myself, the heat will rise and the insults will become lowly. If I say I am sorry realising the legitimate scare I must have given him, his aggressive tone might subside and the story be over. Even if, occasionally, my gentle reaction provokes greater aggressiveness on his behalf, I still feel great for having kept my own aggressive impulses under control.

We are constantly in a reactive state to thoughts or actions, but whether they stem from us or from others, we are always the target. Even if I believed that life was mere chance, but even more so if I am convinced that I co-create my destiny, I cannot deny the power of this “I”. As soon as I say “I”, “I” becomes the reason for its actions, whether consciously or unconsciously. If “I” is the reason for everything that happens to me, the good amount of compassion and indulgence I have for this “I” should help prevent me from blaming others for everything that annoys me.

Whenever something “good” happens to us, we seem to be quite capable of using our minds (our reason) to find the cause within and give ourselves the credit. A sound mind should be just as good at finding the cause within for everything “bad” that happen to us.

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