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Now that we have identified the forces at work behind impatience and why we should take it seriously, it is time to ask ourselves how to fight against this character flaw and its most directly harmful manifestations. Francoise Klein looks into the concrete forms of this practice. After semiology comes therapy…
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Gluttony is little more than indulging in guilty pleasures and curiosity (only) killed the cat. What about impatience? It is another one of those traits we reluctantly call a character flaw, especially when we are the ones who have it. When it is not simply valued as a mark of high standards and perfectionism, it is at worst looked upon with leniency. Yet at the same time patience is a praised virtue. And we have all witnessed the effect impatience has on others, the pressure put by impatient people on those around them and the tension that ensues, none of which is ever pleasant.
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In reference to his approach to the path of spiritual perfection, Ostad Elahi once said “This is not a path of words, but of deeds; only through action can progress be achieved”. This idea lead to the creation over a year ago of the website OstadElahi inPractice. It has now inspired the design of a “100% action express lab” entitled “One day, one Maxim – 28 days straight”. This new lab, based on a volume entitled 100 Maxims of Guidance first published in 1995 on the occasion of Ostad Elahi’s centennial, will be launched in the next few days on OstadElahi inPractice.
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Dealing with others, enriching as it is, often comes along with a few of difficulties. Whoever they may be—a superior at work, a colleague, a member of our family, or a mere acquaintance—others rarely behave exactly like we would want them to, quite the opposite. A colleague stole the credit for my work again, a friend of mine hurt my feelings, my mother-in-law criticized my cooking again, … the list could go on. In such moments, it is only natural to feel the need to share our troubles with someone we feel close to and to seek their support. But here’s the catch: this legitimate need to confide in someone can very easily turn into the desire to speak ill of others. And, whether we are conscious of it or not, it often does. Then, all of a sudden, rather than sharing our difficulties, we start sharing what we think about others, including, if it can make us feel better, all the bad things we think about them…
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The latest articles posted on e-ostadelahi.com, together with the richness of the comments triggered by the polls published with them, have shown that the issue of backbiting is truly omnipresent in our daily life. OstadElahi inPractice is bringing this theme online again today, in a very original way. Once a character weak point has been identified, then it is a matter of controlling it. Breaking free from backbiting – First steps toward “good words”: the title of this new lab self explanatory.
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Many of you reacted to the first extract from Juliette’s experience and the case study based on it: Backbiting as a main dish? What do you think? So, did the situation involve backbiting? The poll results are unequivocal: yes! However, while 89% of you considered it was Juliette’s duty to defend her colleague (“yes” or “somewhat”), only 53% believed keeping quiet was not sufficient, and 11% that keeping quiet was a mistake. Meanwhile, a total of 35% considered that keeping quiet was sufficient (19%) or “already excellent” (6%). Most of you thus agree on the theory, but opinions are split as to how to best deal with this situation in practice—the diversity of the comments testify to it.
Indeed, many insisted on the necessity to take into account the context, the personality of the guests, one’s own personality, one’s rights and duties (what do we owe to whom?), etc. In short, none of this is simple and each situation is unique.
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What is it that makes a dinner successful? Delightful dishes, a nice atmosphere, guests who get along, who feel happy by the end of the evening and, on their way out, sincerely compliment their host… In fact, each guest could easily come up with a different answer. But the more interesting question might be that of the “ethical success” of such an evening, especially when complex dilemmas arise, involving the guests, one’s own ethical convictions and, sometimes, people who are not even present. Juliette had to take into consideration all three of the above in the very interesting anecdote she shares with us here. Her story will be published in two installments. This first post takes the form of a case study, describing the evening, how things got complicated, and inviting you to share your views on the theme of backbiting: What qualifies as backbiting? What doesn’t qualify as backbiting? What constitutes the best course of action in this situation and why? Put yourself in the shoes of our hostess and share your thoughts and personal experiences by answering the poll questions. The end of this real-life story will be shared with you in a second post. Let us note that Juliette did not have the luxury of the couple of weeks of reflection you will get to make a decision: make sure to take full advantage of this virtual extra time to best reflect on your own practical options were you to be faced with a similar situation.
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The recent survey about the assessment of the quality of an ethical and spiritual practice, which the practical curricula offered by OstadElahi inPractice call for, prompted numerous reactions, feedback from experience, as well as some questions. In the following article, Frédéric Perrault provides us with an enlightening analysis of the ideas expressed and invites us to continue the discussion.
The results of the recent survey about the the assessment of the quality of an ethical and spiritual practice are unequivocal. A large majority of us (70%) consider that the qualitative dimension of the assessment during phase 4 (Action) of OstadElahi inPractice labs was somewhat difficult, difficult, or very difficult to implement. Some even feel somewhat helpless in the face of this exercise, referring to a kind of dizziness, to how difficult it is to know if you are being too hard or too soft on yourself, to compare yourself to others, to bring back relevant memories, etc.
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This article was written by Scr, a regular contributor to the e-ostadelahi website. It gives an account of what ethical practice can be like for those who seek to progress on the path of perfection. The two everyday scenarios presented here help provide insight into our actions and thoughts. Whether we share the author’s conclusions or not, his approach is in our opinion worthy of interest; it is an introspective self-analysis that results in an awareness of one’s emotions—a stepping stone toward ethical readjustments of our thoughts and behaviour.
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A high number of questions received by the OstadElahi inPractice website’s support team seem to suggest that assessing the quality of one’s ethical and spiritual practice is a difficult task. OstadElahi inPractice currently offers two online practical curricula: Toward an in vivo practice and Connecting with the Divine. Participants in those labs can regularly assess their practice of an ethical and spiritual exercise, which they have chosen after several reflection and analysis phases. They can record their daily self-assessment in this window by selecting “success” or “failure” (quantitative aspect) and by grading the quality of their practice on a scale of 0 to 10 (qualitative aspect), and they can use the dedicated text box for some notes or personal experiences
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