We live in our ego… well, I don’t know about you, but that is certainly true for myself. This became clear to me after I listened to—and reflected on—the distinction between surface conscious self and deep conscious self as it is presented by Bahram Elahi. The surface conscious self is my ego, my demanding self, this self that wants to be recognised by others, that wants others to love me, admire me, that wants everything to be for me and only for me, that takes every opportunity to get offended, that gets on its high horse over the tiniest criticism, that sees itself at the centre of the world with everybody else on the outskirts, that thinks I know better, that dreads getting relegated to second place and doesn’t like its rivals to succeed at anything, that revels in compliments and remembers them with delight, that believes others owe me attention, consideration, that they should listen to me… This self is my spontaneous self. Like an automaton driven by an instinctive force, it naturally leads me to think that everything is about me, to compare everything to myself and to pay attention to others only as long as it is useful to me and to the way I want them to see me. This self, which I am 99.9999% of the time, is not inherently bad: it cares for my preservation, my well-being and my progression in this world. Without it, it would be hard for me to take care of my kids, to get involved in society and to make myself useful within it. It does, however, become “bad” when it tries to fulfil its desire for expansion to the detriment of others and when its desires and concerns invade all my thoughts to the point where I forget about the needs and aspirations of my Self with a capital “S”, which Bahram Elahi presents as one’s true Self in the following video.

My deep conscious self, on the other hand, is this “zone” of my conscious self that is capable of grasping more than the material dimension of life and capable, in particular, of being attentive to my reason and moral conscience. It is this self that gets me to pay attention to the aspirations of my Self, leading me for example to put the blame on myself rather than on others, to put somebody else’s interest before mine without bragging about it, to be tolerant towards those who do not listen to me, to listen to the criticisms and advices coming from others, to forgive those who hurt me, to hold back the urge to backbite, to keep somebody else’s secret to myself, to regret what I did wrong, etc. Unlike the surface conscious self, which does not see beyond short-term material interest, the deep conscious self’s view encompasses the consequences of my actions on my Self with a capital “S”. It is also and most importantly capable to understand divine truths—the truths that I absolutely need to practice in order to be able to tame the primate that rules on the surface and gradually become the authentic human being of the depths. For anyone aiming at perfecting oneself in order to become a true human being, it is crucial to develop the ability to take off from the surface of one’s conscious self in order to reach one’s depths. And there is no better way to achieve this than to practice.

The starting point is a decision. In order to get out of the ego, you actually have to want to. Personally, I tell myself: no, you’re not just this—this little mean and selfish ego; get out of there, rise up, think about your Self! It all happens as if there was a switch in my psyche and all I needed to do was to set it to “on” to get access to a richer and clearer level of consciousness. It is like a voluntary mental trigger that instantly gives me a wider perspective on the situation, a more humane perspective, a perspective that, in any event, appears to be a lot more correct. There are, of course, some failed take-offs. I thought I had switched to my deep conscious self, but all of a sudden here I am, back in my surface conscious self. But then click, here we go again, gaining height again, I remember why I am on Earth, I remind myself of the One whose judgment matters to me, and it is simply amazing: my perspective on things, on myself and on others is not just altered, it is completely reversed. This person whose behaviour was annoying becomes touching, this irritating advice I received makes me feel grateful, I suddenly get a glimpse of a fault within myself and notice an unknown quality in somebody else, this highly-coveted object doesn’t seem so appealing anymore, if not completely insipid… I feel calmer, not so edgy anymore, I like others a little more, or at least I pay attention to them a bit more, I can better feel the divine presence, and then it’s very nice, very pleasant. Unfortunately, for me, it doesn’t always work: there are days where I remain stuck in my ego no matter what I do. And when it does work, it doesn’t last. But it doesn’t matter; what matters is to keep practicing. In the meantime, these few excursions in my deep conscious self, however short they were, have allowed me to catch a glimpse of a clearer reality, they have helped me, here and there, to resist certain impulses and to make better choices, choices that are more in line with my spiritual ideal.

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