Many of us have participated in the reflection activity proposed at the end of the article “The nightingale and the rose: from attachment to renunciation” and have examined the question of how we can apply in our lives the hoopoe’s advice to the nightingale enamoured of the rose:

What are then these roses—or attachments—that too often fill our thoughts or take up space in our lives to the point that we neglect that which is essential? Our survey brought to light that the main attachment that was perceived as excessive by the participants was work (nearly 30%). Next (20 to 25 %) came attachment to children, fashion, and going on holiday. It is significant to note that for most people it was the “lack” of importance—insufficient attachment—given to certain areas that was pointed out. Up to 30% of those who responded to the survey (most probably students) seemed dissatisfied with the importance they gave to studies… The most striking quantitative result of this overview, however, is that more than 50% of the participants felt they did not give enough importance to their health and to their physical well-being. About 40%, judged their participation in social activities or activities with others to be insufficient, whether it be family, friends or the community.

These first observations are paradoxical: the article called readers out to think about their attachments, but it appears that it is a “lack” of attachment to certain areas of our material life that was commented on the most! To better understand, let us look at the extent to which the participants thought these attachments were impacting the way they fulfil their ethical and spiritual duties. The judgment was harsh: 2 out of 3 participants felt that their excessive investment in the things they are attached to introduced an imbalance in their life, in the sense that they were neglecting spiritual or ethical duties. These quantitative results reflect a hazy feeling of guilt among the participants, which was clarified in the qualitative feedback.

These accounts show that participants massively feel that they are (very) insufficiently taking care of the primary duty they have toward themselves, their soul: whether it be “recharging” it with spiritual energy through prayer, attention or inner dialogue, or nourishing it with spiritual principles and thoughts through specific readings. Comments were just as numerous, deploring the lack of care toward the physical self, whether it be the lack of regular physical activity, insufficient sleep, or poor lifestyle (in particular regarding Internet-type psychological addictions, or poor eating habits). Insufficient attention paid to others, to family and friends is also mentioned, but to a much lesser degree, and insufficient care toward oneself appears to be the most important problem.

These quantitative and qualitative elements reveal the “typical profile” of those who participated in the activity, and for whom, then, the question of attachment as a challenge for their spiritual progress is relevant: they are active, very much taken by their jobs (or caring for their children for some), and they generally have a very fast-paced life which they find hard to organize in a manner that would allow them to properly take care of their body and soul. This inability to successfully manage their lives is experienced by many with great frustration that some seem to try to escape through passive or addictive activities (TV, the Internet), even though that ends up actually increasing their feelings of guilt and powerlessness.

In their comments, SM and Alex give good illustrations of this typical profile, which is characterised by a hiatus between what one is and what one would like to be, and that many of us surely will identify with:

SM: “It is very interesting to reflect on the value we place in certain areas of our life. I am realizing that the way I think I am and wish to be is far different than what I actually am when I engage in my daily life. Although I am mindful of my spirituality on a daily basis, I still place far more emphasis on my material life. I find myself so exhausted by the material world that by the time I sit down to do something to benefit my soul, I am not in the “right state of mind” and I put it off. However, when it comes to relaxing by surfing the web, I can easily spend the bulk of my day doing so.”

Alex [translated from French]: “I have always given a lot of importance to my work, but recently things have changed. I have become more and more obsessed with professional success to the point that it has led me to anti-ethical behaviours and thoughts—I succumb to backbiting, envy, plotting, and even deep unhappiness when I cannot get what I want. This also infringes upon the rights of my wife and children. For example, at home in the evening, I am constantly on my smartphone reading or writing email, often to show my bosses how zealous I am… In the meantime, I am spending time neither with my children nor with my wife, or worse, I often end up “sharing” my stress with them.”

From the general tone of the feedback received, it would appear that participants are feeling both stunned and overwhelmed when looking at their own life. Many seem to feel completely at a loss as to how to have any influence at all on the course of things, how to get a handle on them and how to organize their lives in a way that would correspond more to their aspirations (less investment in work, better spiritual and physical lifestyle and more investment in their relationships with others). This feeling of powerlessness also contributes to a vague form of guilt—a negative kind of guilt that those concerned do not seem able to channel toward action.

Two participants offered an analysis of the causes and consequences of this situation, which led them to take action:

Charlie [translated from French]: “I was exaggeratedly attached to something. It had started to take up a lot of my energy and to invade my thoughts. Especially after I realised there was a chance I would lose it. This triggered a lot of negative feelings. Grudge, bitterness, disappointment, stress, anger, and so on. Because all my energy was flowing into this, I was starting to feel exhausted and apathetic. I had already felt this way before, a long time ago, and at the time I totally let myself go. The whole thing was really unpleasant and had led to a sort of endless negative vortex. I really didn’t want to go down that path again. So I started to focus a lot on auto-suggestion lately. Even though I continued to be overwhelmed by this attachment, I forced myself to do things, even on autopilot, to fulfil both my spiritual and material duties, as well as leisurely things to take care of my psyche, in order to change my state of mind. […] I started to imagine I had lost that thing I was so attached to, really trying to feel as if it had actually happened. In my heart, I asked for God’s help and continued auto-suggestion. Then, suddenly, I felt a sort of relief, as if I had started to accept the possibility of losing that thing I was attached to, and was prepared to move on and embark on a new path. It suddenly wasn’t such a big deal anymore. I went to a café and I started reading and was able to focus on my reading without being distracted by this other thing. I looked around me, I took a deep breath and I said to myself that life was beautiful and that it could be beautiful even without that thing. And that having faith was certainly the most beautiful gift of all. I went to the café restroom, and there, on one of the restroom walls was written in big letters this sentence by Jean-Jacques Rousseau: “The source of true happiness is within us”. […] In Ostad Elahi’s Maxims, you can find the phrase: “A spiritual traveler must avoid anything that leads to distraction or dependency.” Saying 108 in Words of Truth is also helpful: “[…] Knowing that someone else is watching over us helps to allay our worries and concerns. Simply focus your attention on that Beholder of fate and cease your worrying. Knowing not what tomorrow brings, our imaginings are but idle speculation that do little more than torment us. He, on the other hand, knows all that tomorrow beholds. Let us abandon, then, these idle thoughts and imaginings. […]”

Tom: “Listing my attachments gave me a chance to reflect on the choices I make with respect to priorities. During this introspection, I made a sad discovery: based solely on my actions and my intentions, I have little care for spiritual tasks such as prayers. I do them once all of my other material tasks are done, and after I have relaxed, and only if I feel like it. When I was a student, I was extremely diligent and hardworking and had enthusiasm for studying and working hard. Yet now, when it comes to my spiritual education I am a slacker. I am attached to my material activities (work, fun, relaxation) to the point that my spiritual tasks are 2nd tier. This to me, based on my actions, means I do not think they are important and do not enjoy doing them. It’s kind of like in the movies, when they say “love is not just words, it is an action! You have to show me you love me!”. Well, based on my actions, I really do not like doing spiritual work! […] I have had the same problem with organization when it comes to prayer, and decided to work on this through the OstadElahi inPractice Lab called “Connecting with the Divine”. During Phase 3, I spent two weeks experimenting with what prayer schedule worked best for me, and I have come up with something that works really well with my life, and helps me to work on weaknesses that lead to lack of prayer. I could not recommend it enough. I decided that I needed to pray at least 3x a day. I then spent two weeks testing out different times throughout the day to pray that worked with my schedule (Phase 3 allots 2 weeks of reflection). I tried various tricks to help me remember (various reminders on my phone and computer), different places (i.e. getting on the train to go home was a good time to do a prayer). Importantly, I tested how the times worked on the weekdays vs the weekends. I found certain times that worked best depending on the days of the week. Also, based on a suggestion I found on OstadElahi inPractice, I decided to also reflect on an attribute of God to help me focus before my prayer. I tested this and realized that it added a tremendous depth and helped me to focus my prayers anytime and anywhere, even if it was a brief moment. At the end of the process, I ended up finding 5 times to pray that I thought would work for me. I realized that if I could do my prayer 5 times, each time could count as two points for the day. So if I did my prayer 3 times that day, then I would get 3 x 2 = 6 points. This would help me with the analysis phase as well. I hope this helps and if you have suggestions please let me know! Another point is that I am now in the Action phase and I am very motivated and feel energized by the system. It makes me feel like I am in school again (in a good way!)!”

To those of us—and we seem to be many—who relate to this feeling of being “both stunned and overwhelmed when looking at their own life”, with a touch of guilt, Tom and Charlie seem to be saying: it is possible to do something! It is possible to change the course of things. And no heroic efforts or radical transformations beyond our capability are necessary. Like Charlie, by taking the time to think about past experiences and meditating on correct principles, we can identify concrete actions to take, stick to them no matter what, and receive signs of encouragement, even in the form of words written on a café restroom wall! Like Tom, we can take advantage of resources such as OstadElahi inPractice to identify the concrete factors that prevent us from accomplishing things that we would really like to accomplish. It is not so difficult to find pragmatic solutions that can work for us within the specific constraints and circumstances of our lives, and that can really make a difference.

Another conclusion that can be drawn from reading between the lines of the results of this survey is the relative lack of importance given to the issue of others, as in putting ourselves in their shoes, selflessly helping them, cultivating our humanity… Few people manifested concern about insufficient investment for others, while many expressed frustrations about their inability to take proper care of themselves (body and soul). This omission could potentially be seen as a sign of a concerning discrepancy, in the sense that somehow we would prioritize taking care of ourselves over caring for others. Now, of course, the practice of attention—particularly prayer—is at the very foundation of our spiritual life, as is taking proper care of our body and psyche. However, this discrepancy, this omission even, seems to point to the fact that we may have fallen short of understanding how central concern for others, responding to their needs and doing good around us is in Ostad Elahi’s approach to spirituality. This persistent feeling of guilt (“I can’t find time to pray in this chaotic life”) could in fact be a slightly complacent alibi, an excuse for not being active.

Feeling “stunned and overwhelmed when looking at our own life” could be a form of deliberate imprisonment, much like the nightingale’s exclusive love for the smell of the rose that prevents him from setting out on his quest. We too indulge, in a way, in that state of mind, incessantly finding excuses not to change and not to be active. We seem nevertheless to be aware of the cost of staying prisoners to the inebriating smell of the rose and of the pain caused by the thorns. Nightingales we are, yet permeated with a general feeling of uneasiness about the state we are in and aware of the necessity to make a change. Let’s not content ourselves with this feeling, which in itself is rather useless and even toxic if we do not use it as a springboard for action. Tom and Charlie’s experiences are proof that it is possible to think and act.

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