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An antidote to anger (1): analysis

By - Dec 26, 2016 - Category Practice - Print Print - Version française

anger interrogation

The kind of anger we are dealing with here is not the “fashionable fault” that goes under that name when sudden changes of mood are perceived as the mark of an impetuous character or an explosive temper. It is a tendency that, in the long run, may eat your life away and ruin the atmosphere of your home. When it is not expressed outwardly, anger is often combined with a state of depression and dark thoughts. You may stifle it and endure it for a while, but with accumulated fatigue, you will inevitably vent it on others sometimes triggering uncontrollable effects. So how can we break the vicious circle? How can we initiate an efficient practice plan that will provide the means to fight against this character fault every inch of the way? With this account of a real-life experience, we get to the heart of the matter. The first stage consists in analysing the situation, identifying critical situations and the typical mechanisms triggered, psychologically or in our relations with other people, and finally setting up a strategy and an action plan. Will that be enough to strike at to root of the problem?

Anger is a fault that truly manifested itself in me fairly late. To be precise, it was concomitant with the birth of my children and the difficult learning of the education/opposition dialectic that came along with it. I had already worked on this issue, but in a rather sporadic way and with no lasting results really. Several times already, I had elaborated a small action plan to fight against it, but it only consisted in putting down a little x every time I had managed to swallow my anger or to not yell at my kids; and for lack of true reflection work, I had not learned much and the results had remained limited in time.

“Anger is when, from the depths of our heart, we have lost control of ourselves. It is the result of a weakness in our reason and a sign of helplessness. Those with a strong reason and comprehension recognize that anger is bad; they control themselves and avoid becoming angry. It is evident that anger is harmful to an individual from every standpoint.

Anger is an extremely grave illness that is detrimental to both the soul and the body; it even weakens our faculty of reason. […]”

(Ostad Elahi, Words of Truth, 357, draft version of the forthcoming English translation (all rights reserved))

When I decided to work on this point in a more systematic and thorough way, I was not able to find a working method straight away. This latency period lasted for about two weeks during which I merely constrained myself to “continuous” meditation on the question. Whether I was driving, doing dishes or listening to spiritual music, but also after each tense confrontation with family members, I would take every opportunity to think about the “whys” and the “hows” of working on anger. It was a bit vague at the beginning, of course, but little by little, I started to perceive more clearly the full extent of the issue within myself. This first phase led me to the following observations.

  1. By studying my behaviour, I realise that I get angry mostly with people from my family, in decreasing order: my children, my husband, my parents, and my extended family; and then with friends and social or professional acquaintances. That said, if there is such a difference between family members and others, it might be more because social etiquette was forced on me growing up than as a result of actual control over my feelings. You can sometimes feel very strong anger but not necessarily show it to the people concerned.
  2. I clearly feel the negative effects of my angry attitude on myself and on others: physical fatigue (especially after episodes of anger), damaged vocal cords, psychological exhaustion leaning towards a type of depression, tense—or even deteriorated—relationships, with my children, who are not even impressed by my yelling anymore, with my husband, and to a lesser extent, with the rest of my family.
  3. When then trying to take stock of my past experiences and failures and of what I have already learned about myself regarding my reactions to anger, I must admit that, although I cannot explain to myself why it is so difficult for me to fight against this recurring problem, all clues seem to point toward what one might call a “weak point”.

I should thus catch a deep breath, take my courage in both hands and take the plunge, and remember not to forget to ask for God’s help, while keeping in mind that “before determining an appropriate course of treatment for a functional impairment of the psychospiritual organism, one must first make a proper diagnosis, which requires knowledge of the relevant symptoms and the ability to correctly interpret them” (Bahram Elahi, Medicine of the Soul, Cornwall Books, 2001, p. 38). In my case, the diagnosis is obvious, because the symptoms are staring me in the face: verbal—sometimes even slightly physical—abuse, caustic comments, bad mood and unpleasant tone, refusing to do pleasant things and being constantly irritated. But then, you also need to set up an appropriate course of treatment, and that is a bit more difficult.

I had already set myself the task of keeping a diary of observations I wrote at the end of every day. So to begin this work on anger, I decided to add a specific sub-category focused on anger that I would have to fill even if only to write “nothing to report”. And I would not be allowed to go to sleep before having made my journal entry.

Stage 1: Active analysis

Every evening, I force myself to make a journal entry—into a notebook specifically purchased for the purpose of daily self-observation and evaluation— about the manifestations of my anger during the day. The goal being to gain a precise overview after a few weeks of the circumstances, the people and the reasons that set off my anger.

So, every evening I write down when I got angry during the day and I see some recurring patterns: anger with my kids, I yelled at my son, I blew up with my daughter; with other people it does not manifest as bluntly, my anger expresses itself in the form of annoyance, sulking, bad mood or systematic backbiting. But when I read over my notes I am surprised at the violence of my feelings toward the people who annoyed me: I conjure up situations (sometimes even in my dreams) where I confront them with their faults from A to Z and I destroy them with the power of my discourse. I also rapidly jot down the circumstances and as the days go by, I realize that it is not even great causes that make me lose my temper but little insignificant things of everyday life: they don’t put their things away, they don’t help me, they quarrel, they damage things, they don’t listen to me, they don’t hurry up, etc. As I begin to see the similarities in all these situations, I see that what really makes me lose it is when those I consider under my authority (my children, but also some other people) don’t do what I decided they should be doing! In fact, I feel so unable to have a hold on them, so negated in my being, that I explode.

Experience: Nobody in this house puts their shoes away. In the evening, when I see the display, very often I yell at everybody. I call them tiresome, lazy, I say they are not allowed to say they love me anymore because they are not even able to make the tiniest effort to give me a hand, and if I died of fatigue it would be their fault and so on. I even sometimes tell my children not to take their father as an example because he isn’t any better than they are, etc.

In this rather typical situation, my imperious self justifies itself as follows:

  • objectively, they should put their shoes away, they should help me and not take me for their cleaning lady;
  • I should be respected, it is my right;
  • order and discipline are after all spiritual principles, so I am right to lose my temper;
  • my reaction is normal. I told them calmly and they didn’t listen. Now I’m fed up!

Now, as part of this work, I have precisely tried to activate the counter arguments of reason, those arguments that are not audible anymore when anger strikes but that can be checked in with later on, when looking back a bit more calmly:

  • first of all, getting angry doesn’t make any sense because it hurts me and it is ineffective (I can yell as much as I want, it just doesn’t produce change);
  • I picture myself when I am angry and I see how ugly I am in those moments;
  • there may be other methods than fury that work better: asking calmly even ten times is better than shouting ten times. With the kids, I could pretend it is a game, give them brownie points, or the like. With my husband, I should try to put things into perspective: he doesn’t really think “my wife is a cleaning lady”, I am the one extrapolating from a paranoid standpoint. I could use humour and a benevolent tone when asking him to do things as that will work better, or I could even put his shoes away myself while reminding myself that he does do similar things for me once in a while (even though this is really hard for me and I have to force myself to find examples!)

Reflecting on these methods in the evening when I look back on my day is profitable, because the next day similar situations usually occur; and I have sometimes been able to put suggestions from my reason into practice, such as suppressing an impulse to scream and use another tone of voice instead.

Another sizeable justification put forth by the imperious self is the pretext of physical, psychological and nervous fatigue.

This is a powerful argument that crops up on practically every page in my self-evaluation diary: “I’m tired, I can’t handle it anymore, I feel exhausted, etc”. It is more than obvious that anger is strongly triggered by fatigue and constant stress. This became clear to me when I went abroad for a week with my husband on a business trip and nothing went wrong. Our schedule was certainly intense, but I was relaxed and everything was perfect. Nothing to report.

What to do then when fatigue hits? In the beginning, I told myself I had to accept it as part of life. Little by little, however, as my daily entries in my diary progressed, I came to the conclusion that in order to fight against anger it was not enough to just swallow it and be a victim of life. If we only do that with no other work on the side, not only is this not manageable in the long term, because at some point we just explode, but we can become seriously depressed.

Experience: One morning, we were about to leave for school and as I went to get the car, I found my youngest child who is seven, banging on the car with a big stick because his brother inside the car had locked the doors and wouldn’t let him in. I instantly saw red as there was no way that was normal, but I said to myself: I will keep calm, I have to find the proper words to make him understand his gesture and severely punish him. I moved closer, took the stick calmly, showed my son that there were two small dents on the car and asked him why he was damaging the car that comes in so handy for him, takes him where he needs to go and that, on top of it, doesn’t belong to him but to me. Upon which my son answered aggressively: “I don’t care. It’s Alexander’s fault, he isn’t opening the door.” At that point, his challenging manner and his attitude that showed no remorse whatsoever made me forget about everything; good-bye practical exercises, good-bye resolutions, inner struggles and all that. I hit him several times on the back with the intention of hurting him and said “well then, I will do to you what you did to my car! Action/reaction!” I think I hurt him badly because I was not in control anymore and he only blurted “yes, but you are unfair because you hit me four times and I only hit the car three times!” At that, instead of coming back to my senses, I started to scream hysterically and I don’t know what I said but I shouted at them all the way to school, at the older one too, who shouldn’t have locked the doors, and I dumped the two contrite little things outside their school. I went back home trembling, exhausted, on the verge of getting a heart attack. And then I just collapsed and said to myself that I was such a horrible mother and that I would never make it, that it was too difficult and what had I done to deserve such children. I really hit rock bottom in despair. I was upset with myself but I could not see how I could reduce the tension and fatigue enough to be able to put up a fight. I felt truly guilty but at the same time I felt too psychologically exhausted to swallow anything in these circumstances least of all my anger!

It was when writing my notes in the evening analysing my day that I said to myself: It doesn’t have to be that way! Others have managed so it is possible. But it is impossible to reach any kind of concrete goal on a piecemeal basis. I need a more global and radical approach on my whole way of living and especially on my way of dealing with problems. Every page of my self-evaluation diary at this stage brings evidence that I am much too rigid in the way I deal with sources of stress. They also indicate deep pessimism and a serious inability to face aggravations; all elements, which combined, necessarily lead to excessive reactions on all fronts. In addition, the atmosphere at home is tangibly deteriorating. There has been some tension overall in the family, as well as anger and aggressiveness, and I know deep down that my behaviour has been largely the cause.

End of stage 1. To be continued…


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26 comments

  1. JB Dec 26, 2016 5:13 pm 1

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences! I can relate to this article on so many levels and felt like these were stories from my life as I read through them. The only difference is my unwillingness to be brutally honest with myself like the author was with herself.

    I really like the idea of logging every night and will start doing that tonight so I can at least gauge how frequently I’m triggered and how I react in turn. Really looking forward to the continuation of this article!

    1. A. Dec 29, 2016 11:36 am 1.1

      “I really like the idea of logging every night”
      I think it is great because it forces one to think and ponder. Though, what I have found useful is to actually also try to take notes throughout the day, closer to the actual event we are trying to analyse, because we may forget in the evening, especally smaller events. Another thing I observed is that we often find answers to some questions we may have raised during our evening analysis, the following morning. This actually happens very frequently in my experience.

  2. Masoud Dec 26, 2016 6:56 pm 2

    I have been working on anger, which I used to experience to somewhat the same extent as that described in this article, for more than a decade! One point which I find crucial to planned control in such circumstances is what I call the “rebound effect”. In the car damage experience, if she had thought of her son’s reaction, “I don’t care!”, as a possible rebound, she would have had another plan in mind to follow, which could have worked a bit more effectively.
    I can’t wait to read the next stages.

  3. AV Dec 27, 2016 3:34 pm 3

    Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I forwarded this article to my husband and family and said “in case you are wondering, NO I did not write this article, although it describes me perfectly!! I saw myself in every episode described in this article and it gave me great hints how to start my journey of systemically controlling/dealing with anger.

  4. MM Dec 27, 2016 9:16 pm 4

    What a perfect timing! I was reading the last articles about anger and wanted to start a practical work. Taking notes on daily experiences before going to bed is a great idea!
    Sometimes I observe that my angry reactions to some family members or colleagues at work have a tendency of jealousy.
    I am looking forward to read the rest of your story and experiences. Thanks!

    1. A. Dec 29, 2016 11:30 am 4.1

      “Sometimes I observe that my angry reactions to some family members or colleagues at work have a tendency of jealousy.”
      This is so true – angers conceals other flaws. In my case it is pride. I am very sensitive to criticism and oftentimes explode, even if criticism is only perceived as such and not real.

  5. Lawrence Dec 28, 2016 9:12 am 5

    Can anyone help analyse the car scenario from a rights and duties perspective? What rights and duties did she need to observe?

    1. Saga Dec 29, 2016 5:43 pm 5.1

      I would say observing the law, because it is illegal to hit anyone, including your child. Secondly, observing the right of your child’s body and dignity. How can she possibly think it is bad to hit a car but more or less ok to hit her child. Perspective.

      1. Lawrence Dec 31, 2016 5:42 am 5.1.1

        thanks Sega.

        I would say:

        the dignity of her own soul
        the right of her son
        the right of others seeing this scene
        the right to raise her child well
        the duty to not stick excessively to material things (car)

  6. A. Dec 29, 2016 11:24 am 6

    “By studying my behaviour, I realise that I get angry mostly with people from my family, in decreasing order: my children…”
    Very interesting read. As a father of three I do confirm children are a real challenge to self control – from your teenage daughter’s snappy retorts and/or aggressive tone, to your 7 years old’s careless clumsiness … your patience is really put to the test. After reading this article I will do my best to fight against being rigid. One saying of Ostad Elahi comes to mind, where he mentions that the best way to convince others to do things is through affection. I will definitely try to work on this.

  7. Saga Dec 29, 2016 5:39 pm 7

    I find it frustrating to see so many comments that are just thanking the author. This website could be such a great place for growth but I feel that most of the time there is no real reflection or even anyone daring to argue the content of the posts. In these latest articles most comments have been: “Anger is bad, I shouldn’t get angry ever, I look uggly, I will try not to get angry.” How is this working on yourself? What is the root cause? Why is this author not angry on the trip? Where is the husband’s responsibility in all this? When has a doctor looked at a wound and said: “This wound is bad, it makes the patient look uggly, patient needs to stop making this wound.” That would be silly, so why are we so silly when it comes to working on ourselves? Please, let’s try grow together and give eachother some real feedback instead of being simply respectful. Thanks!

    1. Holly Dec 31, 2016 2:54 am 7.1

      Hi Saga,
      I kind of disagree with you on the point of thanking the author – why? Simply because it is good manners to thank someone even if we disagree with them let alone if we agree with them!
      I recently visited Japan and I found the people there so humble and so well mannered that I felt ashamed as a person! Even when I had moaned about a situation in the hotel – the manner in which they simply dealt with the problem was so polite that I was more than content to let go of my complain.
      However, I agree with empowering each other through discussion and in turn becoming active participants.
      As to my thoughts on the above article – I have mixed feelings about it – as life is about keeping it both balanced and real! I have and do get angry when my rights or other people’s rights are threatened, when I know someone is deliberately & consiounsly trying to do the wrong thing etc. However, I agree with the author that we can show and share this anger using different strategies rather than simply shouting, smacking etc. What I believe matters, is what do we do with our anger? How do we deal with a situation that makes us angry? And simply what are the best solutions?
      I think the self evaluation at the end of the night is a great start. Keeping some kind of record is a great idea, as it will reveal patterns and soft spots etc., and if we truly evaluate our anger and its patterns, causes, etc., we can if we are sincere, and with the help of the Beloved/God, find and improve/manage our anger and in turn improve our relationship with others. So on this note, I too would like to thank the author for bringing up this subject and reminding me about the importance of record keeping and how effective it can be.

      1. Saga Jan 02, 2017 7:20 am 7.1.1

        Hi Holly,
        I think you misunderstood me. I was saying that a lot of people here are not saying what they are actually are thinking out of respect. I am saying we should be honest and have deeper reflection and give better feedback. For example, I don’t believe in telling yourself not to get angry anymore. It’s like climbing a tree and after falling many times saying next time you’ll be more careful. First of all, there is not enough information given in the article to understand her situation. For example, maybe she is overly anal about everything and needs to tell herself that she is ridiculously obsessive. Because right now all she is saying is that no one is doing what she wants and that it makes her angry and that she will try not to get so angry anymore. That will be impossible in my opinion. Either she has to change her mind about the whole situation, understand that she’s wrong in the way she thinks, or that she’s right and that she needs to come up with a system where those situations don’t happen. For example, the kid hits the car or doesn’t put the shoes in order, the repercussion can then be no phone all day until the child cleans up the entire house and apologizes. We can journal page after page after page about how many times we get angry, and sure that is a start, but I think we should be further ahead and analyze and try new methods and ways. So yes of course, these articles are great, but I also want great comments so we can grow and learn more from each other. Thank you for your comment!

    2. kbld Jan 02, 2017 4:38 pm 7.2

      @Saga
      1. You can respectfully disagree with someone, so I think it is odd when you say “some real feedback instead of being simply respectful”.
      2. The author is not simply underling a problem, but is showing how she works on finding a solution, and she will continue in the next article.

      1. Saga Jan 03, 2017 6:46 pm 7.2.1

        Hi kbld,
        There are probably hundreds, if not thousands of readers on this site. Yet, we see, more or less, the same ten names comment. Half of those comments are “thank you for this great article”. Could you imagine how amazing it would be if every person reading these articles would actually comment back their own experiences and say what has worked and what has not. It would take us out of a passive participation into an active and contributing growth. Now that is to be truly respectful and thankful!

  8. Haleh Dec 31, 2016 2:40 am 8

    There are increasing pressures on women to fulfil multiple roles domestically and professionally. The increasing elimination of gender defined roles are evolutionary steps but these are not void of challenges.
    When reading this scenario the following questions come to mind:
    1) First and foremost has the writer explored the medical/physical causes of fatigue/anger?
    2) If the anger/fatigue of the writer has legitimate reasons such as over-work, might there be a way for the couple to write up and implement a daily planned timetable in which all roles are defined for each family member and ticked. Could there be a system of reward for the family for fulfilling each role weekly.
    3) If children see that anger has short term results, they obviously copy the behaviour. Anger as far as I know is a primary instinct to save our life from immediate short term danger, other illegitimate manifestations are harmful to us and others. Is this manifestation of anger illegitimate/unacceptable in particular towards children?
    4) As far as rights and responsibilities (duties) are concerned, is the writer respecting her body’s right etc? Are we putting shoes away because we want our home to be perfect looking or to observe the right of things?
    5) Once all the above options are considered and eliminated, then we can start considering our fatigue/anger/control issue within a cognitive and spiritual perspective.
    This is all much easier to analyse than to practise.

    1. kbld Dec 31, 2016 4:37 pm 8.1

      I get a sense of fatalism from this article. “He doesn’t really think “my wife is a cleaning lady”, I am the one extrapolating from a paranoid standpoint” sounds odd to me. The author visibly does not think you can change your life. But you can change husbands, that’s for sure! Of course, I am not specifically saying this is a solution here. What I am saying is that reading this article I felt as if women somehow had to be fatalistic and accept their situation; as if they were the problem and everything else was a product of their paranoia. I don’t think so. Of course, working on oneself is good, but I guess some issues have to be addressed. Here, of course the husband is not telling himself “she is my maid, she has to do it”, but it could be what we call rationalization. It is not because he is not admitting it to himself that, in practice, he is not considering so, only without words. I am talking about the situation where the husband is repetitively told to do something, he agrees it’s good, he sees it bothers her a lot, and yet he’s not making any effort.
      I guess two situations are more problematic:
      1) When women are angry or stressed because of something but don’t say it and just expose without letting their husbands the opportunity to correct themselves; a path toward the solution is to talk, but at the same time the other one can try to see those things, because you don’t want to play the grumpy character in the play.
      2) When someone in a couple (often the woman I guess) has different standards regarding household tasks, so they end up doing it themselves (for both, it can work the other way around of course); I guess in this case they have to agree on which standards to commonly adopt (perhaps this is why it is easier to marry someone with the same socio-cultural background).

      1. kbld Jan 04, 2017 10:11 am 8.1.1

        (My comment was not an answer, my mistake.)

  9. Faren Jan 04, 2017 4:26 am 9

    Thank you for this article. I recently watched Dr. Elahi’s lectures on pragmatism and idealism (https://www.e-ostadelahi.com/eoe-en/pragmatists-and-idealists-a-lecture-by-b-elahi-md-excerpts/). Can anybody help analyse the experiences the author relates from that point of view?

  10. kbld Jan 04, 2017 4:13 pm 10

    We can get angry because of our intolerance, i.e. because we expect too much from other people or have very high standards, especially when we set high standards for ourselves. One of my professors who was extremely harsh on his students, once said “I’m tough on myself, so I can be tough on my students”. It was pertinent, but then I repeated what he said to another student and she answered “he can’t expect everyone to be as bright as he is”.
    When I read the story with the child doing a stupid thing, it reminds me how I learned once to be more tolerant. I realized that we forget about one very important thing and it tends to make us angry. That thing is that some people are smarter than other ones.
    I learned this because I had a stupid professional problem with a bunch of people who would not comply with, or even take into account, the simple (in my mind) things I was telling them. It tended to make me angry. And at the same time, I was watching the whole Making a Murderer documentary. Fundamentally, all the misery the victims of the broken criminal justice system endured in these cases was the result… of their stupidity. And I am not saying this to make a mockery out of it, it was a tragedy in this case. It was so sad to hear the nephew, who, under pressure to say what “really” happened, had admitted to absolutely awful crimes he had not committed, sadly saying over the phone from jail to his mother that he was so stupid, because he was realizing that he was just doing stupid things over and over again, and that he somehow could not help it. Same for the uncle, whose troubles began with a stupid (not criminal) thing he did once, but his future lawyer explained that it just made sense to him with his low IQ. I realized, for my problem, that I should be more tolerant with the people I had to deal with.
    Some people don’t agree with you, because it just does not make sense to them – they are not mean, it’s just a question of ability. They can make some efforts sometimes, but we have to take that into account. We could also say that some have developed their understanding in some domains and not in other ones. Taking this into account, it’s not stupid for the child to hit the car. And in this case, I find the approach of aL06, who commented in the French version, very good: he proposed a way to have the child understand that hitting the car with a stick has consequences, i.e. go to the car repair shop with the child and have him pay the bill with his pocket money. It is a question of understanding.
    Of course, it is not a reason to look down on people. Our proximity to God is not at all determined by our IQ. I guess these differences exist to, among other things, create those experiences in order for us to progress, not to rank us, that is for sure.

    1. Faren Jan 05, 2017 3:48 am 10.1

      I have also had the same experience where I get angry with people with lower IQ. I noticed that I have a lot of negative emotions when dealing with them but if I try to use my Emotional Intelligence (not my IQ) when I deal with them I may behave better.

      1. Lisa Jan 11, 2017 5:02 pm 10.1.1

        It is impatience that makes us angry, because we are not willing to give of our time to explain to people with a lower IQ how it works. And impatience originates in many character flaws as we can read in the article about impatience (http://www.e-ostadelahi.com/eoe-en/impatience-under-the-microscope/).

      2. kbld Jan 13, 2017 5:30 pm 10.1.2

        @Lisa
        Sometimes, or often, it’s not so much a question of time, the other person just doesn’t – or doesn’t want to – understand. I would say it’s more a matter of thinking that the other person wants to hurt you and that you are a victim of their nastiness, whereas you have to see that it’s not like that, or at least, not to react as you would react if that person was yourself, with the same education and understanding of things.

    2. kbld Feb 15, 2017 1:14 pm 10.2

      I would add that with time I realize how it can be counter-productive to try to do everything perfectly with regard to material matters. One time, I absolutely wanted a paper I was going to give to someone at work to be well printed, but a series of events (i.e. a cascade of printers issues) prevented me to do it ; so I was left with the sheet I had from the beginning, which was not really beautiful but all that mattered was that it was perfectly readable. I lost a lot of time. I did not understand why all of it was happening because I wasn’t doing anything wrong: I just wanted something to be visually more pleasant for the reader. I realized after some time that perhaps it was because I had to understand that I cannot do everything perfectly, I have to learn to let go. So I decided to adopt the jugaad spirit, not seeking perfection but efficiency with reasonable means (with what I have). In turn, it had me realize that others are better than me in some areas, so it led me to be naturally more lenient toward them, keeping in mind how I would like people with better abilities than mine to be lenient toward me. I really grasped how being more conscious of one’s flaws, makes one more tolerant. Here the lesson wasn’t so much about seeing my flaws than about seeing how little I control things and that I should accept that.
      Of course, I am not saying perfection shouldn’t be the ultimate goal in anything. Perhaps it’s more that we have to choose where we want to concentrate our efforts, because, by creation, we control so little.

  11. Saga Jan 20, 2017 11:00 pm 11

    @kbld, Faren and Lisa:
    “You have to be careful, if you’re good at something, to make sure you don’t think you’re good at other things that you aren’t necessarily so good at. . . . Because I’ve been very successful at [software development] people come in and expect that I have wisdom about topics that I don’t.”
    Bill Gates, 1998

  12. Sam Feb 12, 2017 11:32 pm 12

    Thank you so much for sharing such an insightful and personal experience. I have learned so much from this article and it inspired me to do the same thing as I am also struggling with anger in very much the same way you are. My manifestations are very similar in that the closer the person is to me the angrier I get. Great learning experience! Thank you.

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